Lhakpa Sherpa: Everest record holder shares her domestic abuse turmoil

This article contains descriptions of domestic violence that some readers may find distressing.

Lhakpa Sherpa has a surprising life story: to the outside world, she holds the record for climbing Mount Everest 10 times, the most times among women.

But behind the scenes, his personal life has been dangerous and frightening.

During her conquest of the world’s highest mountain, she says she suffered domestic violence from her husband, particularly during their descent from Everest in 2004.

Now living in America, she has raised three children, whom she supports by working in a grocery store and as a cleaner.

Her life – on and off the mountain – was made into a Netflix documentary, Mountain Queen: The Summits of Lhakpa Sherpa, directed by Lucy Walker.

Sherpa is proud of the film.

Wide-eyed, she told the BBC: “I want to show people that women can do it.”

Perhaps what is surprising about her record-breaking climbs is that she achieves them with little training.

It is therefore essential to be in good shape.

In the film, Sherpa is seen keeping fit by hiking in the mountains of Connecticut. But she also continues to lead her normal professional life, out of necessity.

“You’re an exceptional athlete,” Walker told Sherpa during our interview. “Very big. Very strong.”

“People underestimate it. It’s an incredible feat to be able to climb Everest while doing your day job.”

Sherpa replies: “I am not good at education, but I am very good at the mountains.”

Born in 1973 to yak herder parents in the Nepalese Himalayas, she was one of 11 children.

Most importantly, she grew up in an area where girls’ education was not a priority: she carried her brother to school for hours through the hills, but was not allowed to enter.

But Sherpa’s lack of education has left lasting consequences: she still cannot read.

Things people take for granted, like using a television remote, are difficult for her.

His son Nima, born in the late 1990s, and daughters Sunny, 22, and Shiny, 17, help fill in the gaps.

With no schooling, by the age of 15, Sherpa was working as a porter on mountain expeditions – often as the only girl.

Thanks to her climbing work, she was able to avoid a traditional arranged marriage.

But life became difficult when she fell pregnant after a brief relationship in Kathmandu.

A single mother, she was too ashamed to return home.

Continuing to climb when she could, she met and fell in love with Romanian-American climber and home improvement contractor George Dijmărescu.

He had fled Romania, under dictator Nicolae Ceaușescu, by swimming across the Danube.

Dijmărescu had already started a new life in the United States when he married Sherpa in 2002, settling in Connecticut, where they had Sunny and Shiny.

But the couple’s relationship broke down when Dijmărescu became violent, Sherpa said.

In 2004, this became evident when they climbed Everest with a group of New England climbers.

After reaching the summit, they encountered bad weather.

Dijmărescu’s behavior “took a turn almost immediately,” according to journalist Michael Kodas, who covered the climb for a local newspaper.

Recalling this in the documentary, he says that things around Dijmărescu became “hostile.”

Sherpa, who was in a tent with him, told the camera: “It sounded like thunder, like a bullet… George was screaming and he hit me.”

We then see several photographs taken by Kodas, of her lying unconscious afterwards.

The journalist said he heard Dijmărescu say “get this garbage out of here” as he dragged his wife out of the tent.

In the film, Sherpa describes unconsciousness as an out-of-body experience.

“People’s voices turned into many birds. I have seen all my life. I fly near my mother’s house. I have seen everything… I was ashamed of myself. I want to die.”

Then she remembers her children and says, “I’m not ready to die.”

Kodas included this violent incident in his 2008 book, High Crimes: The Fate of Everest in the Age of Greed.

Walker then persuaded him to hand over his film footage, including the raw tapes, calling it a “huge act of trust.”

“It’s such a difficult subject and people don’t really want to get involved because it’s controversial… but I didn’t take no for an answer,” she told the BBC.

Despite the deterioration of their relationship, they remained together for several more years.

But she says she was admitted to hospital when Dijmărescu attacked her again in 2012.

It was a turning point.

With the help of a social worker, Sherpa moved with the girls to a women’s shelter, where she began to rebuild her life.

The couple divorced in 2015, and in 2016 a court awarded Sherpa “sole legal custody of the girls.”

Dijmărescu died in 2020 of cancer, but the trauma he left behind is tangible.

Sherpa found it very difficult to discuss their relationship for the documentary.

“I wish all troubles to remain secret, I don’t want everyone in my life to know about it[ing],” she says.

But his son advised him to make the film with Walker, after doing some research. his previous works.

The director tells Sherpa: “When you tell your story, you skip passages saying, ‘We’re not talking about those years.’”

“And little by little, we move on to the difficult things.

“It’s very traumatic for you. You’re very upset, you don’t sleep. It’s very intense.

“But actually, if you can share it, people like you more. Because when you let people know that you’re going through a tough time, other people, I think, connect a lot more now.”

Sunny and Shiny echo this.

They appear in the film and found it “a little overwhelming to watch at first, because of how vulnerable we are about to have our entire lives seen.”

They agreed to participate because “the struggle we went through as a family, and how we used it to strengthen us, not weaken us, is a crucial part of our mother’s story.”

Unsurprisingly, Sherpa says life was difficult after the trauma of his marriage.

“Oh my God, yes, I cry. I carry so much in my life. I work hard, I am brave,” she said.

“Sometimes I think, ‘Why am I alive, why didn’t I die, so much danger. I almost went to heaven and came back. It was so hard. But somehow I made it…’

“A wounded woman is very resilient. She doesn’t give up easily. And I continue to do so.”

Climbing is not only his passion, it is also a healing process.

“I leave my darkness behind me [on the mountain],” she says.

We see her starting her record-breaking 10th ascent of Everest in 2022.

After whispering goodbye to Shiny, sleeping in a tent near base camp, the climb begins at night, by torchlight.

This means that his descent from the summit can take place in daylight.

It is clear that her daughters are proud of their mother.

Sherpa says she is creating a “better life” for her children in the United States, including providing them with an education.

“I really want to change my life, my daughters’ lives. I work hard,” she says.

She wants to make a living with her own guiding business and find more sponsors.

“I know the mountain, I would like to be able to share my expertise and experience with other people,” she says.

Sunny and Shiny add: “Women have started to climb great heights and follow in our mother’s footsteps.”

If you or someone you know is affected by the issues discussed in this story, you can get help through BBC Action Line.

Mountain Queen: The Summits of Lhakpa Sherpa is on Netflix on July 31.